I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
