He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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