Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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