Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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