Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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