If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
