at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
