She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
