can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
