porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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