So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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