Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
