He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
