did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just tell him i said nine months
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
