Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
