After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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