You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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