Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
