I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
