If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
