I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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