I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
