I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
