On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
