All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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