So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
