Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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