I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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