Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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