Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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