I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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