The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
