Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
