Me too!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
