How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
