i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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