You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
