saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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