wanna go halves on a baby?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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