The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
