Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
