i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
