why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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