You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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