I can text with my tongue
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can you bring me the toilet please
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
