dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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