I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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