im six kinds of drunk right now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
