I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
