im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
