I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
